Our Experience With Miscarriage

miscarriagePhoto Credit: jencu via Compfight cc

I still remember staring at those two pink lines like it was yesterday.  We had been married five months and although we weren’t actively ‘trying’ to get pregnant, we certainly weren’t disappointed.  In fact, we were thrilled.  I had always wanted to be a mother.  When I was a kid and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I always said “I want to be a stay-at-home mom with twelve kids!”

We told everyone we knew. We dreamed of our baby, came up with names, talked finances, and planned our future excitedly.  And then only several short weeks later, it happened – blood. Lots of blood. My heart sank to the bottom of my chest.  I called my doctor who assured me that bleeding can happen in the beginning.  I wasn’t comforted and I think she must have sensed the desperation in my voice – to ease our mind she told us to go to the emergency room.

It was a silent drive. Neither my husband or I wanted to entertain the possibility of what might be happening. When we got to the ER they took us back and gave me a pregnancy test. It came back positive, which, they assured me, was a good sign.  They did an ultrasound and didn’t see anything, but they said it was still be too early to see anything. They checked my cervix and it was closed. At this point they had me pretty convinced that everything was going to be ok. Scott and I were laughing and talking in the cold little ER room. Then the blood test came back. My HCG level was 36. “It looks like you are miscarrying.” the Dr. said.

The next couple of days I just laid on the couch and sobbed.  One day we both laid on the couch together.  We didn’t answer the door, we didn’t answer our phones, we just laid there.  I couldn’t understand how I could be so devastated about a baby that we had only known about for a few weeks and that we had never actually met.  However, that sweet baby made me a mom, and a mother’s love is a pretty incredible thing. I think other people who have not experienced miscarriages have a hard time understanding the sorrow associated with an early miscarriage.  We had to grieve and we had to trust God.  This was what I wrote on our personal family blog at the time:

Scott and I had just wrapped our hearts around the idea of being parents and all of a sudden it was gone. It just didn’t seem fair.
Now I don’t believe in coincidences, so I don’t believe that my dad reciting verses on having joy during suffering over Christmas break was a coincidence. And I don’t believe that having a nurse come into our room and quote Jeremiah 29:11 to us (the verse we picked as kind of our life verse for this time) without knowing that we were Christians too was a coincidence. And I don’t think that Scott’s sudden desire to read a 500 page book by Randy Alcorn entitled Heaven was a coincidence. I think that as Scott and I are grieving the loss of our baby, God’s all loving and faithful hand of mercy has been here with us, in those gentle reminders. (written January 12, 2008)

 

After that miscarriage we spent the next year and a half actively trying to get pregnant.  We thought it would come easily, but after 6 months and then a year, a little bit of fear started to creep in.  I read books, took my temperature, charted, ate foods that were touted to help fertility, went to the doctor, and cried out my heart to God. Each month that went by, the longing in my heart became more intense, and the empty void in our home became almost tangible.  Friends were getting pregnant left and right and I was happy for them, I really was, but it also made the realization of our struggle more poignant. I still remember standing in Walgreens one day, ironically to buy more pregnancy tests, and looking down at my phone to see what time it was.  The date flashed in front of my eyes and I realized that it was my due date.  I stood in the aisle and bawled.

A year and a half after our first miscarriage we stared at those same two little pink lines.  Except this time we refused to become excited.  We were so guarded and tentative.  I remember being sad that our previous miscarriage had stolen our joy from this pregnancy.  I worried incessantly about miscarrying.  I tried to give it to God and trust Him, but every little cramp or twinge had my mind spiraling into worse case scenarios.  We didn’t have our first appointment with our doctor until I was nearly 12 weeks pregnant.  As the weeks went on and we got closer to the end of the first trimester, our confidence started to build.  I was experiencing every symptom in the book and we began to let ourselves have hope.  We still hadn’t told anyone, but our appointment was on a Saturday so we were going to announce it on Sunday.

At the doctor’s office, I sat on the table nervously.  The doctor put some lube on my belly in preparation for an ultrasound.  She was a sweet, Christian lady who attended our church and she made friendly chit-chat, trying to break through the cold cloud of expectancy hanging in the room.  She turned the machine on and Scott and I stared at that little screen.  Within seconds it became obvious by the look on her face that something was not right.  She quickly turned the machine off and turned her face towards us.  She didn’t have to say anything.  The tears already started.

“I’m so sorry.” She began.  She went on to explain that I had a blighted ovum.  The baby had died and had been reabsorbed into my body, but my body still thought it was pregnant.  She scheduled me for a D&C.  On the day of the D&C she performed another ultrasound just to doubly confirm that there was no baby in my uterus.

Amidst the pain of this loss, there is one moment that happened that will forever make me laugh.  After the D&C I sent my husband to the store to get some feminine pads to control the bleeding.  The poor guy had never purchased a lady product like this before, so he grabbed the first thing he could find on the shelf and then threw in a bunch of bags of chocolate to cover them up!  When he got home, I discovered that he had bought me adult diapers.  We laughed and cried and laughed and cried about that.  Now I just laugh about it. 🙂

A week later the results from the D&C came back, it turns out that my miscarriage was actually a partial molar pregnancy.  WebMD describes a partial molar pregnancy as when “An egg is fertilized by two sperm. The placenta becomes the molar growth. Any fetal tissue that forms is likely to have severe defects.”  I was told that I absolutely could not get pregnant in the next six months and that I had to have my blood drawn every month because there’s a possibility that if any tissue wasn’t removed, it could grow back as cancer.

The results were a double punch to our gut.  Not only did we lose our baby, but we also could not even try to get pregnant for six months.  This is what I wrote on our personal blog at the time:

This news was completely devastating to us. I felt so deceived by my own body, angry, and even jealous of all the other people out there who seem to get pregnant and have babies so easily. In our grieving process, however, the Lord just kept reminding me of the song by Casting Crowns I will Praise You in The Storm. I didn’t want to give thanks or praise God for what happened to us, but I did because the Bible commands us to and that is the truth I stand by even when I don’t understand it and it doesn’t make any sense to me. I know God has a plan for our lives and although we are still grieving, we have the joy of the Lord. … So now we have two babies in heaven, maybe they are running down the streets of gold together. (written August 4, 2009)

I tell these stories of our losses not because I am looking for sympathy, but because they are part of who I am.  These experiences have helped form me into the person I am today.  In our loss, we have been able to comfort others who have experienced loss.  Also, these periods of time were definitely periods of spiritual growth as well.  I still think of my two babies every single day.  I think of them sitting at the feet of Jesus and laughing at His stories.  Miscarriage is one of those things that people just don’t talk about.  Well, I want to talk about it.

Oh and in case you were wondering, we got pregnant with this little cutie the very first month we were able to start trying again.  You can read his birth story here.

baby nathan's first few days 077

And then 19 months later we were blessed with another little firecracker.  I haven’t written his birth story yet, but it was a VBAC birth.

DSC00645

I kind of hesitated writing this because I know that for some of you, this isn’t your story.  You have struggled for years and experienced loss and you don’t have an earth baby in your arms yet.  I know there’s nothing I can say that will ease that pain.  I know because people tried to encourage me when I so desperately wanted a baby in my arms. Just know that God sees your struggles.  He knows the desires of your heart.  And even though you can’t see it yet, maybe, just maybe, there is a light at the end of the tunnel for you.

Blessings, my friends, and thanks for letting me share a little piece of me with you.

***Update: On 1/19/2014 we experienced our third miscarriage at 9 weeks pregnant.  We got to see our precious little baby on the ultrasound.  He or she had stopped growing at 7 weeks 6 days.  There was no heartbeat and the ultrasound technician used the term ‘fetal demise’.  We of course are heartbroken and grieving, but we know that God is sovereign in all of this.

Have you experienced miscarriage? Do you have a word of encouragement for people who are struggling right now?

Leave a Reply

    • So sorry for your loss Andrea. Isn’t it exciting, though, to think about meeting our unborn children someday in Heaven? I can’t wait for that!

  1. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I have also sufferered a miscarriage and it truly does feel like everything is not working out for you. I would tell a person that it’s okay to cry, and grieve.

    I would tell them that the brief moment they open their hearts to receive a baby is a blessing and that even though they loved and lost, it makes you want to hold on tight to your children when you finally do have one. Not if–when.

    It took me close to a year to conceive again and when I did, I was guarded. I refused to get attached. But I saw him on the screen and moving in my belly and I had to trust in God that everything was going to be okay.

  2. Reading your post brought fresh tears to my eyes, remembering my little one misscarried around 11 weeks (stopped growing at 6 weeks); that baby would have turned three (around) January 1st, which was my DD. We have had two children since then (boy by Csection, girl by VBAC), but I still do miss and think about our 1st baby often. And then realizing you just updated this post yesterday makes me grieve with you for your new loss. I am so sorry. I’m praying for healing and comfort for your body and heart. Thank you for sharing.

  3. Thank God I found your story. My husband and I recently suffered our second miscarriage on Monday 2/3/2014. My heart aches because it’s only been a few days. The first miscarriage was painful, but we accepted it and moved on, because we have a beautiful baby boy that is almost 2 years old. We had to stay strong for him, but my heart still deeply desired a sibling for him. I long to hear two sets of feet running around my home. This second miscarriage brought on a lot of anger. I fought the Lord, I questioned him, I demanded an answer… and I have yet to receive one. I want to turn to the Lord, but my anger and confusion is keeping me away. I know that my life is solely dependent on my Heavenly Father, so why did he not protect me from this pain? twice in a row? The doctors have no explanation and say I am perfectly healthy, especially since my first pregnancy was fine. I have to accept this second death and, once again, move on for my Big Boy that God blessed me with. I know, one day, my baby will have a sibling to play with and grow old with… to adore, just as I adore my siblings. Your story gave me hope today; I haven’t had that in my heart all week. Your right, people do not speak about the “M” word, miscarriage, but I need to discuss it in order to heal. Many blessings to you and your family. I will keep you in my prayers.

    • I am so sorry for your losses Yliana. I don’t understand why our babies had to leave earth so soon, but I do know they are with God now and filled with joy. Thank you for your prayers, we will also pray for you and your family! You will have to come back and share someday when you receive your hearts desire with another little baby!

  4. I’m so glad I found this. I’ve been crying all day. I have had two miscarriages, and the second was last month. This month I’m pregnant again, but my beta number is not high. Please pray for peace and guidance from the Lord. I also pray for a miracle with this pregnancy.

    • Oh Caitlin, I have been praying for you since I read your message. Praying for your miracle and for peace and guidance. You are not alone in your pain. Try to relax and I will keep on praying for you.

  5. Thank you so much, Sarah. Thank you for being brave and sharing your story. I will keep you updated. My beta at my clinic rose appropriately for 24 hours, going back tomorrow and Tuesday. Please keep praying it continues to rise. Was 56.8 and then 24 later 78.9.

  6. In 24 hours the first beta is up from 56.8 to 135.2!!! Tomorrow I go to the second lab and I can’t wait to send another praise report. Thank you so much for your prayers. They are working.

  7. Thank you fir sharing your story. I haven’t experienced miscarriage but my 1st born was stillborn full term, somi know what it is to have a baby in heaven. Sharing our stories breaks the silence that surrounds pregnancy loss abd lets others know they are not alone.

    • I’m so sorry to hear about your baby Megan. You are right, there is a silence around pregnancy loss, but it does need to be talked about.

  8. God bless you during this time. I pray for you and your family. Thank you so much for talking about this because you are right. Most people won’t talk about it. I tell people to not feel bad when I cry because that means my heart is working. I don’t want to pretend it never happened because that only hardens a heart. Our baby girl is up there with your sweet baby!! I have felt led to write her testimony and I pray it may help someone who reads it.
    Clim’s Testimony
    This is the story of our daughter. Our blessing. Our gift. Her very short life was a gift that God did not have to give us. Her life was already mapped out before she was ours. He could have prevented us the sorrow but then He would have denied us the gift of her. Her ministry is in her going to be with Jesus quickly but not quietly. She didn’t slip away. Her presence was made known and she was greatly loved. We will forever be grateful for the precious time we had with her. We will forever be thankful that The Lord saw fit to allow us to be her family. We are better people because of her.
    God is using prophecy today just as in the Bible days. I like to say we never left the Bible days because God is still God. He hasn’t changed. We can have a relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ just as Paul did.
    God used our precious daughter at six years old so strongly in sweet baby Clim’s life. At the end of December 2013, I woke up one morning not feeling very well. Our sweet six year old asked me if I had a baby in my tummy. I told her not that I knew of. Daddy and I just looked at one another because we were so surprised by her question. We didn’t think anymore about her question and went about our day. Later that day I got curious and found out we were expecting a baby after all! The children were ecstatic with the news!
    We love our blessings and were already thinking of our future with our sweet baby!! She would have been born the end of August so we were already thinking and dreaming of that day when our baby would make her debut!!
    On the morning of January 23, 2014 our sweet six year old woke up and told me about her dream: She dreamed that I was in the hospital and had our baby. She was talking to me and I told her we had a baby girl. Then she asked her name and I told her Clim. We all thought that this was an awesome dream.
    The next morning I awoke to losing a lot of blood. The children and I prayed together while waiting for Daddy to come and get us. During this time of uncertainty and prayer, our little 2 year old said, “Baby is in Heaven now.” As usual, our children were strong prayer warriors.
    Daddy took me to the ER and I asked him to take the children home for their care. I was never alone in that hospital room for The Lord’s presence was always there. I was lying there when I saw a bright light off to the left of me. Then I heard these words, “She’s with Jesus now.”
    Later, I asked, “Lord, did I do something to cause this?” The Lord spoke and told me to rebuke the devil in Jesus Name and to never say that again. Then He said, “This is my will.” His will was to take her to Heaven! His will was to give her to us for this time! She made it! She’s home now!! We spent the rest of the day resting as a family. Our six year old told us Clim’s purpose was to teach us to trust more in Jesus! To teach us to trust in God, Jesus, and The Holy Ghost!
    The next morning I had the miscarriage. Our baby was already in Heaven with Jesus so she felt no pain. I wasn’t losing her because she was already gone. Her soul was always whole and went completely back to God!
    We had a memorial service in Bible Study and sang many beautiful songs in remembrance of Clim. We sang the song our precious four year old wrote last year called “Sweet Angels” and now I firmly believe God gave it to her for us during this time. I always think of our sweet Clim when we sing it. We read many verses also. We read Psalm 139:13, 14 and talked about how her body was being formed inside me, but her soul was already formed!! That’s who is in Heaven with Jesus!! We read Matthew 5:8 and that’s always been one of my favorites from childhood. She is and now has seen the face of God!! Our creator!! Our Father!! We read 2 Corinthians 5:1-10 and talked about how we must stay in love with Jesus and walk with Him always so we can also go home! Clim is in Heaven with God, Jesus, and The Holy Ghost waiting on us!! We read many others verses that day as well.
    The following Monday was to be an ultrasound appointment so I kept the appointment and let them know what had happened. It wasn’t easy being in there, but I held onto Matthew 16:24. Everyone was so kind and I am grateful for their kindness. Plus it was a blessing to hear her called a baby.
    The Lord has named all of our children and He even named baby Clim. I thank God for loving us so much and for taking such great care of us. As always, He is the peace in the storm!!
    So we count Clim a blessing. A true gift just as all of our babies are. We didn’t get to spend time with her here on earth, but we will in Heaven. We know she is waiting for us on the other side of the river!! She’s dancing with Jesus! He can and is taking better care of her than we ever could have. We miss our baby girl and we cry at times, but we do not ask for her back because that would be telling The Lord His plan was imperfect. We miss the absence of her here with us, but we rejoice in the presence of her in Heaven!!
    We have always known Heaven was to be our eternal home one day, but having our daughter there waiting for us is very special. Our daughter, a part of us, has seen the face of God. She has danced with Jesus!! She is with the saints rejoicing and will never hunger, thirst, or feel pain. She has made it Home.
    I would like to share something I wrote on January 27, 2014:
    When the sorrow hits, joy overtakes when I think of everything The Lord has shown me. Peace washes over my soul when I think of her dancing in Heaven. This is God in the storm. This is what I’ve never truly had before. God is peace in the storms of life. The sorrow could wash me overboard if I let it but I cry out to Jesus when I feel this and He reminds me of all I was shown about our sweet Clim. She’s made it. She just went on before us and is waiting for us on that beautiful shore. God bless her beautiful soul. May we become as pure as her so we can join her one day. Matthew 18:1-6.

    “For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.” Romans 8:6-8.

    • Michele,
      Thank you so much for sharing the story of your sweet baby Clim. Your story is such a testimony and a lot of hurting mommies with breaking hearts find their way to this blog post and I pray they will be encouraged by your story. Thank you for sharing your heart with me. I’m sorry for your loss but rejoicing with you that our sweet babies are experiencing the true joy of heaven.

  9. Your story was beautiful and it really help me, I got married to my wonderful husband in 2011 we found we were pregnant oct 2012 we were happy as can be so at are first ultrasound at 8weeks the baby measured at 6 weeks they said I was early then we thought but I still had a heart beat so we were in the clear so by week 11 I was noticing that was not feeling the greatest we had a miscarriage that was the painful thing I ever went through on my own husband was on the road at the time I was devastated. My heart sank cause it was so hard to get thought day to day without crying and see other babies I would start crying. So it took us so 6 months went by and we were not getting pregnant and I was heart broken and then exactly year later we gotten pregnant I was really nervous cause we went through once and I was scared so went got my blood work done every other week to make sure my levels were rising and at 8 weeks we had another miscarriage and I had to get a d&c done cause I was in so much pain. So we decided to just put getting pregnant on the back burner, we went on vacation to clear are minds. It’s really been hard since the I been getting blood work done to see what’s been going on with my body everything thing came back normal but my antibodies numbers are alittle off, ultrasound are normal. So now it’s 9 months later we just celebrated are 3 year wedding anniversary and we found out we were pregnant on June 27, 2014 I was happy once again but I felt good with this little in my tummy we were 5 weeks an now we are going through are 3rd miscarriage, I am feeling I guess this is not meant to be. So we just wait to see what else is in store for us what the doctors what to do now!

    • Audrey, I am so sorry to hear about your losses. I know how hopeless it feels. I want to encourage you to be very proactive for yourself and your husband, look into going gluten free because a lot of undiagnosed problems that cause early miscarriage are tied to gluten (celiac disease) or the synthetic folic acid (MTHFR gene mutation) that is added to most flours. I am praying for you! There is hope for you, I just know there is. Hang in there girl. You have three beautiful babies waiting for you in heaven and that will be a glorious reunion someday.

      • Thank you so much you are so sweet, Im going to stay positive, and yes I’ll try the gluten free!!! Can’t thank you again for reading my blog!!!

  10. I just read your story. I’m so sorry for your losses. I’m praying for you and your family. Going through a miscarriage is the most painful thing I have ever done in my life. I’m a marine wife and I thought sending my husband off to war while being pregnant with our son was hard for me. It was so much harder going through what I had to go through.

    Hi my name is Elizabeth I’m only 23 and I recently had a miscarriage in April 2014. It’s one of the worst days of my life. I found out on Valentines Day that we were expecting a baby. We were so excited, especially for our son to have a little sibling. We found out at 9 weeks that something might be wrong with the baby. I was so scared and frighten that something bad was going to happen. My family all told me everything was going to be ok, but deep down I was really scared for my baby. I had to go to a specialist to get a high tech ultrasound done but they wanted to wait until the baby was bigger. My whole pregnancy I was really sick with my son and my second pregnancy I was even more sick. At 10.5 weeks I got really sick and could not stop getting sick. I thought it was just pregnancy symptoms. I even went to the ER because I couldn’t stop getting sick. The doctors just said it was pregnancy symptoms and sent me home without even a ultrasound to check on our baby. I finally got better and waited to see the specialist at 11 weeks. My family and I were excited to see the baby and started planning our gender reveal party and thinking of names on the way to my appointment. I was really nervous, but started to think maybe its nothing and everything will be ok. But I was wrong.

    During my ultrasound the lady didn’t say anything and I watched on the screen. But the baby wasn’t moving and had no heartbeat. I was so heartbroken. I literally felt like I was dying inside and I thought this was just a bad dream and I wanted to wake up. But sadly it was reality. The doctor said our baby died at 10 weeks. I had no idea our baby was already gone. I was still having pregnancy symptoms and swore I felt our baby move. I felt like I failed my baby and I did this. It was my responsibility to take care of my baby and failed. The next day I had a D&C and the doctor ran tests on the baby. Several weeks later the test results came back that we had a daughter but she had Turners Syndrome. I was so upset, because we have no genetic problems in our families. The worst part is knowing we had a little girl, which would of been the first girl in 21 years in my family. I always wanted a little girl. I already have my perfect little boy and now I have a perfect little girl in Heaven. We decided to name her Taylor Elizabeth. She’s our guardian angel watching over all of us.

    My doctor told us to wait a year before we try again. I also have endometriosis and all the doctors told me I have until I’m 25 to have kids. I really hope they are wrong, because I will be 25 next year. I want another child so bad but I’m also terrified to try again and something bad happens again.

    I thought God was punishing me in the beginning and didn’t understand why this was happening to me. And it really sucks hearing about everyone being pregnant and I should be right there with them. I’m happy for all my friends that are pregnant right now but deep down it really hurts that we lost our daughter. Every night my son and I say our prayers and we always talk about his sweet little sister up in Heaven. He’s only 2 so he might not quite understand yet but it really warms my heart when he says I love you Taylor and sweet dreams sissy. I think what’s helping me the most is talking to other people that have also gone through a miscarriage and read Heaven is for Real. it really has helped me heal and forgive God. Some days its really hard but knowing she is not suffering anymore and she’s in a better place watching over us is what keeps me going. I know I have to stay strong for my family, especially for my son. I’m truly blessed to have my son in my life. I’m sorry this is so long. It’s really the first time I have opened myself up. All the ladies on here, I’m so sorry for your losses. I know one day we will be reunited with out children up in Heaven. Stay strong!

    • Thanks for sharing your story, Elizabeth. I’m so sorry for your loss. Also, I just want to encourage you. Don’t let man put limitations on you. The doctors may tell you you don’t have much time left to have children, but God is the one ultimately in charge. 🙂

  11. These stories are powerful–as evidenced by the responses you’ve drawn from so many and by my own inability to keep from sharing that I’ve got 9 babies waiting for me in heaven. On earth I have 7 right now and am waiting for the arrival of number 8. I was particularly struck by how you described your reaction to your second pregnancy–I completely understand. With each positive pregnancy test I struggle to let go of fear and trust God. I try to be open about my pregnancies and miscarriages so that others will feel safe to be open about theirs. I wish you joy.

    • Wow 9 babies is going to be quite the reunion in heaven. I’m so sorry for your losses Anne. Congratulations on number 8, I pray your delivery goes well! Thank you so much for sharing your story, I’m sure it will be an encouragement to others. 🙂

  12. I recently experienced a miscarriage at 15 weeks, just 2 days ago. I am left heartbroken. I just don’t know what to do. I am 20 and it would be the first girl in the family of a LONG time. I’m so heartbroken and I just cannot stop crying. So many questions enter my head on WHY? I just had a panorama done and it came out that everything was fine. Then on Saturday I had my gender reveal and found out that I was having a girl. I picked out the name Audrey Sophia. Me and my boyfriend were SO excited. We saw her on the ultra sound the morning before and everything was okay. She had a string beating heart but that next morning 2:30 I started having pain in my stomach… Later finding out that I was having contractions. I pushed my little girl out at 4:11 AM that morning. I still haven’t left my bed after returning home. It’s been 38 hours and I’m just so devastated. I want to continue and try again but I’m so scared. I’m on my own, but my mom is constantly reminding me to get on birth control. I don’t want to. My little girl in heaven has me in so much sorrow. 😭 i see I’m not the only one but it feels like I’m so alone.

    • Alexis, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story with me. Your Audrey Sophia is very loved. I don’t know why tragedies like this happen, but just remember that it’s OK to be sad and to grieve. I don’t think people really understand how painful it is to lose an unborn child unless they have been through it. You are not alone, I am praying for you!

  13. You guys all sound so positive. I don’t understand why God would give me this life and then suddenly take it away. I’m so sad. I found out just after thanksgiving and Friday started spotting. Got heavier yesterday and cramping. I went to the er last night and while the urine and blood tests came back positive the ultrasound showed I was having miscarriage. I’m so sad and just don’t understand why. I still have my appointment set for Tuesday which was supposed to be the first ultrasound. We we waiting to tell our daughter to show her the sonogram and after we heard the heartbeat. We were going to tell the whole family for christmas. I was going to frame the sonogram for my MIL. Thinking of names and expecting. Thinking of my youngest turning two and how my oldest was just talking about a new baby. Wanting a brother. This just isn’t fair. I know I’m not the only one. I knowany people experience this. I just don’t understand why me. I’ve been through a lot in my life. I have always turned to God and I’ve always been taken care of by Him. But I just feel abandoned. I dreamed of this pregnancy before I got the positive test. I thanked God for the miracle and the blessing …. just to have it taken away 🙁

    • Dear Amanda,
      I am so sorry for your loss. I read your comment to my husband and we both agreed that everything you are struggling with are thoughts we had as well each time we lost one of our babies. So many things in this world don’t make sense, but find joy in the fact that you will see that precious baby once again if you do know Jesus as your Lord and Savior. I think about that reunion often. Take care of yourself and know that God has not abandoned you in this time. He loves you with an almighty love!